Abuse is never OK

• Every 9 seconds, a woman is battered in the U.S.
• 95% of all victims of domestic violence are women.
• Domestic Violence is the single major cause of injury to women, more than muggings and car accidents combined.
• Domestic Violence is the cause of 30% of physical disabilities in women.
• 50% of all of all women murdered in the United States are killed by a spouse or an acquaintance.
• Domestic Violence occurs in 60% of marriages and is the most under reported crime.
• 90% of battered women reported that their children were present when they were beaten.
• 25% to 30% of adolescent relationships are abusive.

This is not stuff that just fell out of the sky or that I made up. Those are the facts from The Riley Center. It's real, it happens. It doesn't just effect the people who live in project housing or trailer parks. It's in the suburbs, behind the gates, in million dollar homes. It's happening to wives of doctors, lawyers, accountants, etc. It's real.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been dealing with a friend who has a history of abusive relationships which stems back to her childhood. As beautiful -- in and out -- her choice in men is that of what she grew up with: alcoholics, abusive, worthless.

Sounds like many women doesn't it? The relationship starts off fine. He'll wine and dine y0u, give you what you want, treat you like a queen and then the mood starts to change. Once he's comfortable, the abuse starts. It may start with him just grabbing you but soon it'll be him going upside your head. You're going to work with pounds of make up on or afraid to take off your sunglasses due to your black eye. That sore arm, you're telling your girls you ran into something or you were over working during your work-out. I can go on for days with excuses that I've heard ( and a couple I've used ). You complain about how last time was the last time and you're tired but even still, you take him back and the beatings only get worse. You don't even realize that each day, you're putting your life at stake to be with someone who you feel you can change.

This is not something that he decided he'll start doing in your relationship. 9 times out of 10, he has a history of domestic violence. Do your research!! So many lives can be saved if we take the time out to go to the courthouse or get online and do a free public record search. It takes no time for the computer to spit records back out. When you see any past cases or a case pending, you shouldn't even consider him as a possible mate, friend, fuck buddy, or spade partner. You should turn the other direction, forgetting about him. You don't have to be dating someone exclusively to want to know this information either. Even if yall are just messing around and it's strictly sex, it's been proven that "friends" will kill too. An invasion of privacy?? Not so, it's a public record. You don't have to go into the case file to know that he's not the one for you. All you need to see is the plaintiff's name, his name and "DOMESTIC DISPUTE" and he should be axed out of there. But if you must, it costs no more than $15 for the documents and the mailing.

Abuse is NEVER okay. If you know someone or if you're in an abusive relationship, there's help groups and hotlines available. Get out of it! If you're in a relationship and you're skeptical or he's showing "signs", get on the computer now and research that ass. A few minutes on your computer can save your life.

Some sites to visit:
The Riley Center
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)
National Domestic Hotline
Domestic Violence
Domestic Abuse Project (DAP)